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  • back home not alone

    So going through this is seriously easy, the hard part is seeing your husband going through it and your family. The hard part is convincing that lady you saw in town who heard from someone what is going on and trying to tell you to just wait and see….you kinda feel like saying: Are you…

  • lump out lump in

    I get in the taxi and set off to pick up a dear friend and every steadfast rock to come with me to hospital. Hubby is looking after toto and that was super important to me, throughout this whole process my main concern is keeping my toddler happy and safe and keeping my hubby away…

  • I’ve got sunshine….

    So I got home and my family was waiting, happy and full of tears. My toto said before being asked, mama you can’t pick me. How sweet and heartbreaking and filled to the brim with love. Recovery was made easy with lots of constant kisses and hugs and tons of love by hubby….. I was…

  • there is a time for everything

    And finally the day has come that I got my date for both surgeries and it’s so soon and so far away all at the same time. I have tricked my body and my mind to respond to any mention of the operation in excitement. So anytime someone asked me when I am going, I…

  • came out of nowhere

    I am spending all my free time prepping for the operation…. not for me but for the house. I am making pies, risotto, menus and organised shopping to be done and collected. I just want everything to go smoothly for both my hubby and toto while I’ll be in hospital. I am literally micro managing…

  • Becoming

    I woke up this morning… i knew it was gonna come, I knew I had to be prepared from day one… and today was d day. I woke up this morning… i knew it was coming, that question, that defining moment. I woke up this morning… my  husband looked at me and asked, “are u…

  • Away over the sea

    Hubby took me and toto for a beautiful night away on an island. We went by boat over a very very calm ocean, weaving our way through the mangroves. I looked at my husband and my child and I felt such sadness…. you see suffering with constant anxiety and it is about at this leg…

  • hospital

    I had my operation today. The worst part is over! I hope! I am so blessed to be able to declare victory over this battle, I might not have won the war but the battle’s victory is written on my chest! Beautiful scars and an amazing experience to see how many nurses come in to…

  • The hanky

    I have a special secret weapon that gives me super powers and makes me invincible…. I have a super duper special shield that nothing can penetrate. Years ago I took a hanky out of my dad’s pocket. He always has one in his pocket and had it at the ready when ever it was needed.…

  • H is for home or is it?

    So we landed in Diani on the world’s best organized extra flight ever! But as a surprise to me the hard part has just started. H is for helpless, helpless while the house girl effortlessly takes over mothering duties. H is for homeless, without a place to fit in perfectly. Being unable to help makes…

  • sobering

    Everyday I hear from friends, family and acquaintance how brave I am…..but Sunday was sobering.   I went with my family to our usual hangout for Sunday lunch, and it was so nice to get back to normal, until that sobering moment hits you in the face like a bucket of icewater.   The table…

  • The heart wants…

    As I lie awake, waiting for sleep to make me it’s slave, I cuddle with my toto. Her hair smells just like the very first day I held her and she still fits in perfectly to our cuddle spot. I feel the milk shoot in my breast and the heaviness of one breast resting on…