Calm the mind

I have had a few days to stew and I still feel mad but sadder and more let down and like no one is in my corner. Anyway, no point playing my fiddle, pack it in and move on right. I went to see the Dr that was recommended to do the surgery and once again he was an amazing human being. Kind and gentle and understanding and professional. He assured me it will be over before I knew it and I won’t believe the change in my life.

No more passing out doing exercise or vomiting and headaches and fatigue. Here I was thinking I had H.pillory and it turns out I had to little oxygen in my blood and too little blood to go around hahahahahaha.

I had very little time to wrap my head around having the hysterectomy and never being able to have a baby again. It was so sad for me, but I somehow felt more let down by my hubby then anything else. All it would take to let me have the joy of being a mother again was one try or maybe two or three. I don’t know if it was the fact of having another baby that made him say no or the idea that he actually had to touch me and have sex with me haahahaha

Anyway, the choice was made and the date was set and I was ready once again for battle. Tired and emotional and very mad but ready.

Now I just need to calm my nerves and calm my mind….. be calm and still and calm and cool and calm

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