And the winner is……

Well this didn’t go as I expected. I really for some reason thought my husband would take me in his arms and said lest go and make that baby….. boy was I in the twilight zone.

After making a very nice breakfast and letting him finish I started off with …. “so, you know I have been going to mombasa quiet often in the last month or so”

 Any way so I took a deep breath and went ahead with the news. His response was a cold bowl of water in the face. He was angry and annoyed and said the following…..”how can you put me through this again”

It was so far out of left field it took the wind right out of my sails and left me gasping like a fish out of water.

First I was sad that I am being such a selfish ogre, then I was upset that I had to make this choice again and then I was fucking angry……. That hasn’t worn off yet.

What does he mean I am doing it to him again? He didn’t have his breast removed, he didn’t lie in hospital for 10 days missing home and our daughter. He didn’t go through months and months of stretching and injections and pain and more surgery and casualization and sadness.

I didn’t even get to ask for another baby again he just said no way. He doesn’t want more kids…. He only wants our daughter. Even after saying that it will be my last ever time to have the option to have a baby, he just said no.

I have a lot of anger and hurt inside right now but that will have to wait. I need to wake up in a few hours to be a mom….. to be my little girl’s protector and keeper.

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